The 6 Year Old Birthday Party Meltdown

Well, we almost made it and I followed the 6 year old rule. Keep it under two hours, 6 kids and let them just play for most of the party. We came up with a plan: trampoline (burn off a little excitement), then face paint, then decorate cup cakes, then swingset, then make a necklace, then a short dance routine to a High School Musical 2 song. All goes great until...

10 minutes left until pick up and she is smiling, singing, twirling. We do the simple practice dance routine run-through in order to show parents and have a “ta-da” announced at the end. She says doesn’t like that, "NO ta-da". I tell everyone not to say it, at least I think I do. The parents arrive. Time to show them the routine, then it's goodie bags and DONE. Well, I did not tell everyone and there was a “ta-da” at the end. OH, NO! I goofed, I looked right at her and thought, please, please, please do not loose it. Nope. I goofed. Tears full force. She wants to go to her room and lay down. She says it’s the worst party, ever. I goofed.

Ok. So, regroup, take her out of the meltdown area, talk to her, and ground her again. I do that. Still nothing. I goofed. Food. Did she eat anything this afternoon? I goofed. Try a glass of milk. The milk goes down, kicks in and now she is embarrassed.

The guests are now scattered. I am embarrassed. I did not handle it well. I goofed. Get the guests back and try to salvage anything. They do the dance routine over again. She is smiling again, singing, twirling, dancing. Still, I goofed. She has let it go, but not me. She doesn’t really even remember it. But I do. We have all been there, right?

Teaching a Kind Heart

No fresh words in our house, no "hate", no "shut up", no "idiot" and no "stupid". We love it when our kids refer to someone who used the "s" word and they are talking "shut-up" or "stupid" instead of, well, you know. The one that means a lot is not saying "hate". Just too much of it in this world. You hear it everywhere. I hate that show, I hate that shirt, I hate that guy, I hate school, I hate the Yankees. Ok, the last one might be the one exception. Everywhere, I hate, I hate, I hate. Well, not in our house. We say "I do not like, [blank]" or "I don't like it when she/he...", rather than I hate [blank] or I hate him/her.

It also helps the kids to move from the uncomfortable moment or situation and ask the other person to not do what they are doing. Or to think about how they don't like something and they can figure a way to make it better, change the situation or communicate feelings. Explaining to someone how one feels when they do something or say something is empowering for a child and is a life skill. It also gives the other person a chance for understanding and empathy, maybe even changing their behavior.

We are reminded of an article from O Magazine about self-mastery and the inclusion of social and emotional learning in schools. “Educating the heart is just as important as educating the mind,” says Mary Utne O’Brien , a vice president at CASEL. Here is a motto that is posted on a blackboard in a 6-year old classroom in Hinsdale, Illinois: “When we care about each other and our classroom (or home or community or …), we are kind and respectful, we listen carefully, help each other learn, always try our best, raise our hands, and have fun together. We keep our hands and feet to ourselves. We stand up for ourselves and others. When someone asks us to stop, we stop. We do all this even when no one is watching.”

Think we will put this on the “blackboard” in our kitchen right after ........