Our Rear View Mirror

Camping

2008-11-03T18:45:00.000-08:00

I wish we were still there. Such a great time camping, exploring, hiking, cooking, talking, and playing games. We found a great place to go that is less that 2 hours away. Easy access to the site and at the same time you feel so far from it all. We were in Sunapee, NH at the Mt. Sunapee Camp Ground.

The weather was great, sunny, and warm during day and cool enough at night to have to wear a hat. We set up camp pretty easily with our ten person tent, coolers, cook stove, sleeping bags for 10 and various sports equipment.

A hike up Mt Kearsage, another up Mt Sunapee, picnic lunch on the Lake, a penny candy shop in the harbor, charades in the morning, yummy dinners cooked at the camp, playing "3 things" around the fire along while eating popcorn and roasting marshmallows. Ah, the simplicity. The need to work together for firewood, cleaning dishes, cooking, set up and break down is so uniting.

One of the kids stated it perfectly. "Mom we do this stuff not because you tell us to, or because we will get something if we do, but because we know we have to in order to survive. It means so much more and it is fun!"

Soapbox Derby

2008-10-28T17:55:00.000-07:00

The pictures tell most of the story. Our town's second annual Soapbox Derby. We modified that car from last year a bit, so that it was not so top heavy. We also put a governor on it to prevent over-steering.

No crashes by us this year. Very fun. And we even jumped in to race. Love this simple, old fashion stuff.

Homework, Homework, Homework.....UUUGGGHHH!

2008-10-20T11:42:00.000-07:00

We are in full blown school mode now. You know how I know this? Well, I am already looking forward to vacation. The kids are coming home with homework, projects, field trip forms, classroom wish lists, conference requests, holiday party requirements, etc., etc., etc.. I once heard a talk by a person named, John P. ("Jack") Blessington. He is a business person turned educator with specific experience in Montessori education. His speech was about how children learn and how society needs to continually review the way we teach our children given the changing demands on parents, communities, society, the nation and the world. The process of education is something that cannot be static. What worked in the 50's or 60's may not work in the 70'. What worked in the 80's may not work in this decade.

He also spoke of his experience with homework and the lack of empirical statistical evidence, that homework helps to improve the intellect, knowledge and academic experience of a child. Now, at first I raised an eyebrow, having been educated by nuns who poured it on as if our after school time was endless; purgatory prep, I always thought. Anyway, I listened.

At the time, I think that I had 2 or 3 kids who were in their preschool years. So homework was not on my radar. Even so, something he said really resonated with me. Although a bit radical to pitch, he explained that when kids are in school the environment, expectations, resources, and overall support is pretty much the the same for each kid. When kids leave school, all that changes. Whether the after school environment is some sort of after school care or at home, things are different for each child. To have the same homework deliverable, expected for each child is not realistic and can in fact create low self esteem and anxiety. Children become acutely aware of how their homework is "different" than their peers. As an extreme example, imagine an only child with a stay-at-home parent able to give 90 to 100% attention to their child for his homework. Now imagine another child who comes home to a single working parent with 3 children who all need help. In each circumstance, each child's environment and resources are different. How can we expect the same "homework" performance for each?

Now he went on to explain that some "homework" is of course necessary: math facts, independent reading, etc.; those that do not need much, if any assistance.

Last year my two third graders had teachers who went out on a limb and did an experiment the last 3 months of school. No homework. They still had to practice math facts and read for half an hour. WOW, the results. They would come home, do their family contributions (chores), get outside to burn off energy, play imaginative games, interact with each other and neighborhood kids, be ready for dinner, then bed to read and be sufficiently tired to sleep well. No begging and pleading for them to do their homework. No anxiety over getting it done. No tears because they don't get it and are actually just plain old spent. They talked about what they learned, shared things at the dinner table, and were excited to get to school the next morning.

So, were are headed off to a camping weekend in New Hampshire. Tonight, I would rather be checking the gear with the kids, thinking about what we need to bring for food, supplies, safety and fun. Planning is a process that is so valuable to learn. This is also something I would like my kids to remember and to have a vested interest. Not that they just jumped in the van and it was loaded, ready to go. Remember that they helped, thought through things, weighed the pro's and con's, laughed and had fun doing it.

Instead, homework, homework, homework, little time outside, rushed through dinner, hurry, hurry, hurry. UUUGGGHHH!

The Tooth Fairy

2008-09-30T17:09:00.000-07:00

With out getting too deep into this one, like should we even encourage our kids to believe in yet another fictitious character that brings them things, or better yet, pays them for their teeth......
We had one of those funny moments with Evelyn last night. At our home, sometimes it can take the Tooth Fairy a few months to visit. Recently, we left her a note suggesting that she could consolidate her visits since we get on these rolls of losing teeth 2-3 times a week for several weeks in a row. The kids had the idea to give her a break and make one trip every 3 months or so. Hmmm. Good one, huh?

Evelyn lost her tooth 2 weeks ago and as of last night, still no visit. So, she decides to change it up. She writes the Tooth Fairy a long note in which she asks her about her family, life, etc.. Along with the note, she wants to leave something for her and rather than under her pillow, leave it on the kitchen table. Hmmm. Another good one, huh?

So, she then tries to think of what to leave. Something for her hair? A memento? What? She decides on treats and starts to put out candy. "Hold on", I respond, "You can't leave candy because of the special understanding that the tooth fairy and the dentist have...". "So, what should I leave?" she asks. "Leave her something to eat that's good for her," I answer. She is puzzled. She thinks for a minute. Then her face lights up and she yells, "CHICKEN!". Chicken? "Ya, let's leave her chicken!". I look at my husband, hold in the laughter and we both know we have to write this one down.

Anyway, we settled on an apple and something to drink. As it turned out, the timing was right. She came last night, ate the apple, had the drink, took the tooth, left a buck, and answered all of Evelyn's questions, along with a note of her own.

Chicken?........maybe we have been pushing the protein chicken thing a little to much, lately.

Garden Evaluation

2008-09-23T16:59:00.000-07:00

First day of fall happened this week in New England. I think that I am one of the few around here that does not like fall (I despise winter). Although it is pretty, the ending of everything smelling beautiful and blooming and no more warm summer nights is just a plain old bummer for me.

I went out to the garden with the kids to pick the final veggies that must be harvested before the first frost or they will be no longer be edible. We dug the carrots, plucked green tomatoes, picked cucumbers that had gone crazy and climbed the tomatoes plants and counted the pumpkins that will soon turn a bright orange.

The kids began a conversation about what they liked and disliked. They talked about veggies that they want to plant again next year and new ones to try. They suggested that I write it down while it was "fresh" in our memories so that we would have something to refer to next spring.

Wow, what I good idea! Glad they thought of it. So, yes to corn, carrots, cucumbers, broccoli, basil, cilantro, tomatoes, pumpkins and lots of flowers. Far less lettuce and stagger it. No to cabbage, summer squash, zucchini. Some new ones tp try are onions, melons, winter squash, and beans.

Any other suggestions?

The First Day of School

2008-09-04T11:55:00.000-07:00

Back to school and all seven are off to experience a new one. They were up, dressed, breakfast, lunches packed, and out the door about 45 minutes too early. I had to hold them back. Finally, after the 23rd, "is it time, yet?" we all walked (or ran) to school. In the school yard they all found their classes' meeting spots, more or less. The bell rang and off they went. No tears, no hesitation, just smiles, waves and a few "I love you's".

Home they came will all sorts of information about classmates, teachers, do's and don't's, forms (uugghh!) and stories. I listened, laughed, and had to ask a few questions, myself. A fairly seamless transition, or so I think. Some go off to play and some have homework. We have dinner together and play "high-low" (your "high" and "low" points at school). More laughter. Dessert, story and bedtime. Still no bumps, however, something doesn't seem right. I try to ignore the mother instinct and sit down at my computer to work a bit. It is 10PM.

Then I hear the foot steps. I know who it is immediately. It is Olivia: our oldest, my moral compass, the old soul, my pillar of strength, my go-to, the risk-taker. With her tears ready to pour, I say the words, "You ok, Hun? What's wrong?". She can't even speak and out they flow. On my lap I pull her tight and at the same time look over her shoulder at my computer screen and at the "to-do" list for the evening. I shut my eyes tight. She is really upset. I open them again. Sooooo much to do and still get up at 5am to run and get ahead of the kids for the day. She sniffles and shakes a bit and that pulls me back to what is important. My saying, "there are no do-overs" screams in my head. I ask if she wants me to cuddle with her in bed for a while. She says "Yes. But you have work, Mom.". It's ok, Lu. You are way more important. "But it's 10 o'clock, Mom.". Up we go to her room, with her clutching ever so tightly every bedtime lovey she could find.

As I walk up the stairs I coach myself. Don't try to fix it or change it. Just listen and mirror her. We climb into bed she spills all her concerns, worries, anxieties, frustrations and fears. And also the fact that she is angry that she is even like this. I tell I understand and mirror back all that she said. "So, you are worried about remembering everything that you have to do"...
"So, you do not think that you will relate to anyone"... "So, you are overwhelmed at all there is to take in". And so on and so on. One last sniffle and I hear her exhale. Out it came. Now she talks and talks and talks. I listen and listen and listen. She amazes me. Once it is all out, she relaxes even more. I hear some joking in her voice about her view of kids, procedures, her teacher's recount of her own embarrassing moment. I share with her my worries and anxiety when watching all of them in the school yard and we are able to joke with her about her brother George and how his only concern he was finding his teacher, locker and homeroom. "He's all business," she says. "That's George!" We laugh.

I take the risk to give advice and ask her if it is ok. I break down school into 3 areas and go through them to try to simplify it for her. Academic? No problem. You got a handle on it all and you are one of the most disciplined and organized 6th graders (and people) I know. Social? It will take some time to make friends. That is what friendship is all about. Remember, you have 3 really good friends that you have had outside of school since you were 3 years old. These are friendships you will always have no matter what happens from 8:25 to 2:55 at school. She smiles. The logistics and all the other stuff? Think about how much you know and will remember in the morning. You know your teacher and where to find your homeroom. You know where your locker is and how to open it. You now have your schedule written down and know where to go. Three things you know and probably more. She adds to the list and starts to rub my arm. "Thanks, Mom."

I make one last suggestion that she come up with a fun word or saying that she can repeat to herself if she gets overwhelmed and it will remind her of our conversation and the comfort. I say, "how about Rocky Road Ice cream." She says, "Soccer Rocks.". That's my Lu. I close my eyes and we talk a bit more. Now, I exhale and begin to fall asleep. I catch myself and tell her that I need to go to bed. It is now after 11pm. She gives me a big hug and thanks me so much. I tell her that it is me that should thank her. That she gave me yet another gift. A gift to be there for her and to feel needed. I will have that forever. As I leave the room, we both whisper at the same time "Good night. Soccer Rocks."

The 6 Year Old Birthday Party Meltdown

2008-08-11T15:56:00.000-07:00

Well, we almost made it and I followed the 6 year old rule. Keep it under two hours, 6 kids and let them just play for most of the party. We came up with a plan: trampoline (burn off a little excitement), then face paint, then decorate cup cakes, then swingset, then make a necklace, then a short dance routine to a High School Musical 2 song. All goes great until...

10 minutes left until pick up and she is smiling, singing, twirling. We do the simple practice dance routine run-through in order to show parents and have a “ta-da” announced at the end. She says doesn’t like that, "NO ta-da". I tell everyone not to say it, at least I think I do. The parents arrive. Time to show them the routine, then it's goodie bags and DONE. Well, I did not tell everyone and there was a “ta-da” at the end. OH, NO! I goofed, I looked right at her and thought, please, please, please do not loose it. Nope. I goofed. Tears full force. She wants to go to her room and lay down. She says it’s the worst party, ever. I goofed.

Ok. So, regroup, take her out of the meltdown area, talk to her, and ground her again. I do that. Still nothing. I goofed. Food. Did she eat anything this afternoon? I goofed. Try a glass of milk. The milk goes down, kicks in and now she is embarrassed.

The guests are now scattered. I am embarrassed. I did not handle it well. I goofed. Get the guests back and try to salvage anything. They do the dance routine over again. She is smiling again, singing, twirling, dancing. Still, I goofed. She has let it go, but not me. She doesn’t really even remember it. But I do. We have all been there, right?

Teaching a Kind Heart

2008-08-05T13:03:00.000-07:00

No fresh words in our house, no "hate", no "shut up", no "idiot" and no "stupid". We love it when our kids refer to someone who used the "s" word and they are talking "shut-up" or "stupid" instead of, well, you know. The one that means a lot is not saying "hate". Just too much of it in this world. You hear it everywhere. I hate that show, I hate that shirt, I hate that guy, I hate school, I hate the Yankees. Ok, the last one might be the one exception. Everywhere, I hate, I hate, I hate. Well, not in our house. We say "I do not like, [blank]" or "I don't like it when she/he...", rather than I hate [blank] or I hate him/her.

It also helps the kids to move from the uncomfortable moment or situation and ask the other person to not do what they are doing. Or to think about how they don't like something and they can figure a way to make it better, change the situation or communicate feelings. Explaining to someone how one feels when they do something or say something is empowering for a child and is a life skill. It also gives the other person a chance for understanding and empathy, maybe even changing their behavior.

We are reminded of an article from O Magazine about self-mastery and the inclusion of social and emotional learning in schools. “Educating the heart is just as important as educating the mind,” says Mary Utne O’Brien , a vice president at CASEL. Here is a motto that is posted on a blackboard in a 6-year old classroom in Hinsdale, Illinois: “When we care about each other and our classroom (or home or community or …), we are kind and respectful, we listen carefully, help each other learn, always try our best, raise our hands, and have fun together. We keep our hands and feet to ourselves. We stand up for ourselves and others. When someone asks us to stop, we stop. We do all this even when no one is watching.”

Think we will put this on the “blackboard” in our kitchen right after ........

Slowing Down with the Dirty Dishes

2008-07-21T18:07:00.000-07:00

Dishes. Always dishes to do. Clean, dry, and put away. Uuugghh!

Yet, I find that doing dishes is one of those things that provides a space, a goal, a mundane yet so necessary thing to do, together, that gives us time to talk, time which is so precious. Just talk, about anything, while we wash, rinse, dry and put away. Olivia (our oldest) and I do dishes together a lot. She is good at it, meaning, keeping the pace while talking, knowing where things go, how they are stacked, etc. Others are a bit more challenged at the "do" and talk at the same time.

The other day, I asked the boys, Ben and George, to do dishes with me, just to dry. Of course, got the "Oh, Mom!", but only once. I pointed out that it was just a small pile and I quickly moved the conversation to something of interest. They went right at it and we talked about sports, the cool fort they are building in the woods, the bow and arrow they want to make, and a silly fart joke. I just love this stuff, 'cause it is slow, real and in the now, and it provides memories for them and for me. And they said, "Mom, that wasn't so bad." I think that I will try weeding with them next.

A Rewind - snap shots from the past

2008-07-15T11:03:00.000-07:00

We said that we would not do it again. We would never take a red-eye with our 7 kids. Guess what? I just booked it. Yup, the JetBlue flight from Boston to Portland, OR and the return as a red-eye. The price was so right, we had vouchers due to a glitch from last year, we could use frequent flyer miles, AND there are personal babysitters, I mean, video screens on every seat back!

How could we pass it up? How could I forget how miserable it was to have a 7Am, 2 hour lay-over in JFK after flying all night? How could I forget holding a plastic "throw-up" bag from the gift shop for our son who was so tired and probably dehydrated that he could barely sit up? How could I forget the whining, the sprawled kids on the airport chairs and the 3 days it took to recover (5 for me)? How could I?

Well, the mind does crazy things. And they are a year older and can handle it better, right? And it can't be as bad this year, right? AND we want to go so badly. And..... time to start packing, YIPPEEEE!

Friday Family Flix

2008-07-07T17:05:00.000-07:00

On Fridays we try to watch a movie together. We call it Friday Family Flix. Sometimes, because of sports, various events, plain old exhaustion, it turns out to be on Saturday night or even Sunday (in the summer). The kids have gotten a rhythm going where, on Fridays, they walk down to the library and get DVD's and books (they hit the candy store, too). There is much negotiations on what to watch, whose turn it is to choose, and whether there were in fact any "good ones" at the library. If not, they hit the 'hood, asking their friends what they have in their "family library". Eventually they find one. For me, this is filled with lessons, no trips in the car to the video store, using local resources, and involving the neighborhood... as all are invited.

In the summer, we set up the projector, big screen and speaker in the back yard with popcorn, candy, sleeping bags, blankets and any other spontaneous "things" they need. "SSHHH, SSSHHHH, SSSSSHHHHH!". It is starting. "I can't see! Be QUIET!". We (the parents) catch each other's glance, smile and snicker. They settle in, cozy up and watch. We hang on the porch and talk while watching them and knowing how lucky we are. SSSSSHHHHH!

After doing this for a few years now, we are running out of movies. The kids like to run the gamut from "old school" to musical to contemporary stuff. We are looking for some ideas.

What are your favorite family movies?

Commercial Free

2008-06-30T19:09:00.000-07:00

We love to watch sports as a family, all different kinds: college hoops, professional soccer, football, college softball, and of course, the Red Sox. It is the one thing that we allow our kids to watch. We are happy about that choice. The kids love to talk about the games, the players personalities, the show-offs, the team leaders, coaches they like and colleges they think they might want to go to. Thought it was the right thing to do or let them do, until one day I heard from upstairs the boys singing a song, "Bacardi and Cola... it gets the job done!", over and over. Gosh! What the heck? Kids watching sports and these commercials... uuuugghh!

I just want them to be able to watch a ball game without these adult messages coming at them. So, I tell them that that is not a great song for them to sing. Of course, they want to know why. Not ready to have this conversation with a 9 year old and a 7 year old. I explain what the "job" is and why it is associated with alcohol. Oh, the questions fly back. Diggin' myself deeper. So, no tv or cable. Now, we just use the internet for sports, where there are no commercials. And when we can, we listen to the radio. Baseball on the radio is great!

Sports, Sports, and More Sports

2008-06-22T14:41:00.000-07:00

5 games in one day. Whooooie! It is the end of the season for 7 soccer teams, 2 baseball, 1 lacrosse, 1 softball. The coaches of each team have said a little something after each final game. We leave the cooler full of popsicles with the team and step away. We listen and watch as each child smile, proud of their accomplishments, beaming from the praise and recognition, and happy for their teammates. Each player knowing that they accompllished something... mastered something. The emphasis was not on the team's records, though they are very aware of their wins and losses.

And it is a part of real life: not everyone wins, not everyone gets a goal, not everyone reaches first base. They are happy because they learned how to pitch or be a catcher or to handle a lacrosse stick. They mastered something. It is theirs to have forever.

Check out these sources for thoughts on the importance of mastery:

Daniel Goleman and his book Emotional Intelligence

Edward Hallowell and his book Childhood Roots to Adult Happiness

Carol Dweck and her book Mindset:; The New Psychology of Success

School's Out ..... YAHOO! ..... I think?

2008-06-15T18:02:00.000-07:00

School officially ended for our kids this past week. I really think that I am looking forward to summer more than they are. No more lunches to make, no more class projects, no more field trips on which to drive, no more conferences, no more cupcakes to make and send in for this, that and the other thing... just plain old summer fun, playing capture the flag and kick the can, riding bikes all day, swimming at the lake and ocean until waterlogged, ice cream and slushes, sleeping in the back yard in a tent, building a tree fort. And on and on... Yippie!... Well...

What I have to remember is the transition: the 2 weeks it takes the kids to get used to "no schedule", and no structure (for the most part) and none of the formality that kept them busy or occupied. The "I'm bored" happens. The sibling fights 'cause now they see a lot of each other and the food consumption... ooooooeeeee!

So, 2 weeks. Then summer fun really begins. Then you can lay in the back yard with the kids at 10 PM and listen and watch the light show... Aaahhhh, summer!

Dad remembers, too

2008-06-09T18:01:00.001-07:00

As all Dads know, we are last to get our say. I remember feeling what the kids are feeling as we approach the school. I had a day similar to this when changing schools in the 6th grade. The transition took me from the more sheltered parochial school environment to the public elementary near my home. I was a shy kid to begin with and went to my first class with butterflies. Of course, everyone was already there and class had begun and, of course, the door (closed) was at the front of the room and, of course, upon entering, all activity stopped and all eyes were on me. The science teacher, Mr. Reed asked my name, said hello and told me to find a seat.

I uncomfortably scanned the room for a spot. An unexpected savior swooped in to help, a team-mate from Little League baseball. It never occured to me that they would be there. From the back of the room, I heard "Hey Devin, sit back here!". I smiled and threw them an "up" nod and did my best to say with body language, "Oh, hey guys. There you are... Yeah, I was just taking a second to check out the scene.".

Moments like these stick with you. I still remember the voice from the back (and who it belonged to), the class room, and the teacher. I am identifying now with what my kids are experiencing and feeling. And I know that a call from a friend or a smile can make a world of difference. I am happy for them. And happy to realize that part of being a "good" parent is remembering what it is like to be a kid.

The Walk to a New School

2008-06-02T16:47:00.000-07:00

So, it will be a new school, again, this coming fall. For some, this is number 5. There have been many changes in this family’s journey. Prepped for several months for this change and still, how can they not be nervous. Breakfast is done they are in the yard killing time shooting hoops. I shout out the window that it's time to head up for our visit and tour. We are so fortunate that we can walk to school. Up a hill across one street and there it is. They want to run. I say ok and to wait at the street crossing. I (Mom) am a little nervous, too. Will the moms like me? We cross and their pace slows. They start to look around. They have been here tons of times. There shouldn't be hesitation. The reason for being here today is different, though. The questions start... questions of anxiety. What homeroom am I going to be in? What if I can't find my homeroom? Can we bring our lunch? Is this a "nut free" school? Will I know anyone in my class? Which teacher will I have? Will anyone like me? I even start to feel their anxiety. I start trying to answer the questions, getting a bit frustrated because I do not have all the answers. We turn the corner and there is the front door... people smiling. I realize that I do not have to answer. These are just questions of anxiety and they will see soon be answered.

We walk thru the halls. For me it feels good within minutes. They will learn here, they will grow here, they will be challenged here, they will fail here, they will have friends here... They will be safe. They will be connected. And all questions are answered.

They start to smile, they see kids they know, the teachers say hi and invite them in. Tell them they are happy they will be in their classes. They see bright classrooms, a library, a gym, and a stage. Ways for them to express themselves. In some classes the students even call out. "Hey G", "Hi George", and "Yo Geo". Z comments later that "it seemed like they wanted me to be there. I saw kids my age and kids I knew calling my name.". And from C, "WOW, kids I know or think that I can get to know are here. And first grade looks cool".

Exhale..................

ORVM Joins Technorati

2008-05-29T07:00:00.000-07:00

Short post today... We are excited to join the Technorati as a way to get more people to read our stories. Here is a link to the Technorati Profile. Remember to comment on any entry here and also tell us your own family tales.

Connections

2008-05-26T19:34:00.000-07:00

This thought about connecting stuck with me and I couldn't quite put my finger on its significance. Then it clicked and I was drawn to the bookshelf in search of "Connect" by Ned Hallowell (one of our fave's). I pulled it from the shelf, read the first 25 pages immediately (boy, am I a slow reader), dog-eared practically every other page and highlighted at least one sentence on every page. It traveled with me in the passenger seat of the van for the next week, staring, "talking" to me, calling me on it all.

We have a transition ahead of us, that of school year into summer. And as with any transition or annual tradition that calls for the action of renewal, change, or re-commitment, we are taking a look at "where we are". So, we thought what great timing to take this idea of connectedness and put the thought/question/challenge to the kids.

We told them about connectedness and asked each what connectedness means to them, and how do we, as a family get connected every day. Here is what they said (and we had to contribute, too):

O - belonging to your family; try to talk to each other and share thoughts as a group and individually about how you are and how the person that you are talking to is.

Z - take care of each other; show that you are concerned and interested in what others need by asking how they are, if they need help...or just hang out and talking

E - care about each other; talk to each other about things that are hard or what someone needs help with... and helping

C - love each other, help each other, hugs and warmth

A - listening to each other. we try to make each other laugh, do things as a group that help us feel like a family

G - help each other. if someone is mad at you for something you did, then remember they love you and it is easier to say sorry and try to not do it again

B - love. even if we yell or hurt we always say sorry and try not to do it again

D-Dad - respect for each others feelings. we show an interest in each other's day. giving an opportunity to share more about "me" and thus a feeling that one cares about me

Mo-Mom - accepting me for me and unconditional love; share ups and downs, 3 things, high-lows

There are 12 1/2 more days of school..........we cannot wait for summer.........

Climb In, Buckle Up, and Adjust the Mirror

2008-04-16T18:48:00.000-07:00

In the car every day (just about, and trying not to) and always glancing in the rear view mirror. It is a great frame for viewing our kids when they, for the most part, do not know we are watching and find a bit of the irony in the reverse quality of a mirror. The rear view mirror of a car also sets this direct eye-to-eye contact with us and whichever kid we are watching or is watching us. It is pretty powerful, and for the lack of a better word, intimate. We can see his/her whole face and they see only our eyes, it is always the eyes... so much communication through the eyes.

While driving one day watching and looking in our rear view mirror it hit us. Ya, ya, ya (and so fortunate!). We have 7 healthy wonderful, compassionate, empathetic, loving kids (who can fight like the best of them). And that is not what we are talking about. It hit us that we get to see them so "real" from this vantage point. Some are talking to each other about their day, what they want to do when we get to wherever we are going, some are fighting about the music, some are staring out the window and daydreaming who knows what. They laugh, yell, stare, sing, and play and all while we are taking them through life, around corners, faster, slower, stopping, starting, over the bumps and smooth surfaces. They are "buckled in" as best we can. These magical snapshots of real life are funny, sad, frustrating, inspiring, rewarding and thought provoking and worth sharing.

Today, we turned off the radio, no music, no "static" or distraction. The uproar was immediate! We wanted "quiet" or should we say we wanted "our" noise instead, and to do an experiment. What would just "our" noise sound like in the car. So, after they stopped with the "c'mom, Mom/Mo", they were quiet, just for about a minute or two, then the conversations started, about school, a joke, a made up song and laughter and more laughter. They started listening to each other, sharing with each other, planning for the next "stop" and laughing, giggling. It was contagious. I even caught a glimpse of my face in the rear view mirror. I was smiling too. This is a moment that makes their bonds stronger. They are connecting.